While spending time in the sauna after a vigorous hour of water aerobics a few weeks ago, five of us were discussing the challenge of having pets and going on vacation. A woman who was part of our group was lamenting that she and her husband had been trying to go on vacation for the past year, but was challenged because they had recently acquired a pure breed specialty dog that had been raised on an Amish farm. She went on and on about how it was difficult to find someone who was willing to keep the dog while they went away because it was still a puppy. And she and her husband weren’t interested in paying the price that kennels charge—plus “extended stays in Kennels are what makes dogs end up with ‘Kennel Cough.’” Everyone was commiserating with her, sharing similar experiences when suddenly, she said, “Yes, I’m not sure that getting this dog was such a good idea, we have to consider it every time we need to leave the house. It’s as bad as having an ‘old person’ in the house.”
I was mortified with this comment, and it sent shivers up my spine for a couple reasons. Beyond the gross insensitivity of making such a statement in a mixed group, it was the callous, nonchalant way she flung those words out of her mouth. What was equally disturbing was that her statement did evoke some laughter. It was not funny to me. So I didn’t laugh. What’s more, all of us were well over 50, which added further to my concern.
It occurred to me that it was both irresponsible and insensitive because did she know if someone had their own “old person” living with them like a parent, or grandparent?
It is these kinds of disparaging comments that add to the issues we face around aging in this country; the ones that hold us hostage to ageism. Therefore I could not resist addressing her—I was gentle, sort of—but still I absolutely could not hold my peace—so I said, “Whoa, whoa, am I to understand you are comparing having a pet and having one’s senior parent living in the home?”
Needless to say, she was taken aback by my challenge to her statement.
Getting older already comes with a set of unique challenges, including financial issues, the threat of being pushed out of jobs, having to live off meager retirement income, loss of a spouse, family dynamics, sometimes facing physical challenges and even the matter of finding affordable housing, just to name a few. Add to this the sting of knowing that folks have the mentality that it is funny to make negative or jokes about senior living does not help.
It is really time to flip the script on the way society perceives aging and seasoned individuals. Here are a couple reasons why. First, this is the one country that does not see aging as a badge of honor, and we should. Seasoned citizens have made it through some things, and as a result, come with a boatload of knowledge, experience and wisdom. There needs to be more attention on that as opposed to what the media images show…ads for canes, medicine, burial insurance, and diminished capacity.
Also, these days seasoned men and women are engaging in more life-enhancing activities than ever before. These include things like meditation, yoga, gym memberships, retaining personal trainers and adopting a healthier diet. We are starting businesses over the age of 50, running nonprofits, and contributing to society in many impactful ways. These elements put a new face on living a seasoned life. For these reasons, society and the media need to get past the misguided notions that moving beyond retirement age means capacity is over. It is important to acknowledge that things are going to happen as people age. People get ill, they contract diseases, their energy level might be reduced, etc., but this still does not mean that as we age, we should become the object of jokes and condescending treatment.
So how can these offenses somehow be mitigated? What, if anything, can we do as individuals to help redress these problems? There are things we can do. First, we should speak up and out about ageism when we see it or when we experience it. We can write letters to media outlets expressing our objection to the images they portray. We can refuse to engage in the negative comments or unkind jokes shared by unevolved family and friends.
Above all, we can choose to make sure we model the behavior we’d prefer to see. Disparaging comments receive their breath from the visual, print, and social media. As a result, comments like the one made by the lady at the gym become commonplace; ageism is allowed to take root and grow and subsequently seniors are not honored and respected for the life they have lived, nor for their contributions to society and for the asset they can be for the greater good.
Time to flip the script– change the narrative around what it is to be a seasoned member of society.
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