Having a conversation about advance care planning is very important; it can also be a difficult one. Sometimes your loved ones can be uncomfortable discussing this subject.
Even though it is hard, the time to have this conversation is now. It is easier than waiting until you become ill. Having the time for discussion and reflection can often help families and loved ones to understand each others views and can provide peace of mind.
Here are some tips to get you started:
• Use conversation starters: articles, TV shows, movies, or current events.
• Other triggers include sermons, funerals, and medical checkups. Even talking about the death of someone you know can help get you started.
• Talking about values and what makes your life worth living – and what you consider quality of life can help start the conversation.
• Approach the conversation wanting to share your wishes before you ask someone else to share their own wishes.
• Be prepared to have more than one conversation or that the subject may cause an emotional reaction. This is ok.
Here are some examples of conversation starters:
• (About yourself) I know that this isn’t easy to talk about, but if I get sick or have an accident, and I can’t make decisions for myself, I wanted to tell you what would be important to me, so you could be my decision maker.
• (About someone else) I have also been wondering what would be most important to you if you were not able to speak for yourself? Would you want the doctors to try aggressive treatments, even if they wouldn’t cure you, to give you more time? Or would you rather have your pain/disease managed so you feel better but might not live as long? Would you rather be in a hospital or at home? Who would you want to be around you?
• Thinking about getting sick can be scary. If this is too much to talk about right now, could you at least think about these things so that we could discuss them later?
• After a movie or news story: What would you want us to do if you were in this situation?
• While I was in the doctor’s office, I saw a form called the “Pennsylvania Advance Health Care Directive.” Would you be interested in reading it so we could discuss it later?
(Donald D. Wolff Jr., Center for Quality, Safety, and Innovation at UPMC)
