With all the publicity throughout the NFL these past few weeks, domestic violence has become the number one topic in the country. Hopefully something will be done about it that will benefit both men and women.
Domestic violence is not just an NFL or sports problem, it’s a problem throughout the country and the world. And it’s not just men abusing women but a two way street. When it becomes physical, women generally get the worst of it because men are generally bigger and stronger but what about verbal abuse? Which some say is worse or just as bad as physical abuse.
My mother raised me to never hit a woman, and she taught my sisters to keep their hands to themselves. But if someone puts his or her hands on you it is time to say goodbye to that person. Or even if someone pushes you physically or verbally to the point where you feel like hitting him or her it’s time to say goodbye.
There are some men who enjoy beating on women. These men should be in jail, yet I must say that in all my years many of these men generally don’t have a problem getting women. There are women who are attracted to these kinds of men, even though they know their history. The Bad Boy.
Yes, the NFL and all major sports need to adopt a policy pertaining to domestic violence and stand by it. But this can’t just be a policy by the owners; the players unions need to make a stand not just on behalf of the accused players but also on behalf of all the players.
All unions should take a stand, especially law enforcement unions. Far too often police officers are caught up in domestic violence and nothing is done about it.
But it should not be lopsided. This should not be an opportunity to go after men while placing no blame on the women involved. It’s one thing when a man beats a woman; couples do fight, verbally and physically, but if the woman starts it verbally or physically, do you automatically throw the man in jail even if the woman hit him first and went after him first?
What really shocked me in the Ray Rice case is the fact that this woman married him after he knocked her out, which says something about domestic violence cases as a whole. Whereas you have other women calling for this man to be crucified, she’s defending him, and has yet to file charges.
How do you curtail it?
Strict laws are a start. Ray Rice hasn’t spent any jail time and will not even though he was found guilty. Which has me wondering why all the noise over the NFL handling of this, with practically none over the legal system’s handling of the same crime. Maybe if the criminal court system had taken it more seriously, then the NFL would have. All Rice got was probation.
But even if professional sports leagues and the criminal court system cracked down on domestic violence I still say it starts with the woman, because in most cases she is the one getting beat down or abused.
Yes, I know all you women are saying this male chauvinistic pig. But I’ve helped raise five girls, I have two sisters, and a mother, and most of my close friends are women. And I still say it starts with the woman.
Why? Because she’s the one who selects the men in her life. Sure you can get a sick stalker, but in most cases the woman needs to make sure she does a background check on the man before she starts any kind of relationship with him. The same is true for the man.
Simple questions such as; where do you work? Where do you live? What are your views on domestic violence? You would be surprised at how many people, especially young people, don’t know where or if the person they are involved with works. It’s called carrying on a conversation with that person before getting involved.
What really amazes me are the people who stay in these relationships because “they are in love.” If a man is beating you ladies, it’s time for you to ask the question, “What’s love got to do with it?” Then call the police, and all your friends to let them know what happened. Then pack your bags and leave, or if the house belongs to you or the lease is in your name, have his bags packed and make sure he leaves with the police.
The same is true for men with abusive women. No they may not be able to beat you physically, I know some can, but they can verbally. Leave, because it’s going to eventually become physical.
Yes, I know there’s all kinds of mental excuses people are giving for women who select abusive men, or stay in an abusive relation. But I say there’s no excuse for a man to put his hands on a woman, just like there’s no excuse for a woman to put her hands on a man, and there’s no excuse for a person, male or female, to stay in an abusive relationship.
Some say fear. Well if he threatens to kill you if you leave, think about it, what’s to stop him from killing you if you stay? All I’m saying is get to know that person before you take him or her home. Even a casual relationship can become violent.
(Ulish Carter is the managing editor of the New Pittsburgh Courier. He can be contacted at ucarter@newpittsburghcourier.com.)
