“I do you like I do you because I know you can take it,” remember that line from ‘For Colored Girls’ who have considered suicide/when the rainbow is enuf? Her man was telling her why he treated her the way he did. With all the talk about Ray Rice and the woman he knocked out (his now wife) it makes me wonder how do you marry a man who has knocked you out, lay next to him each night not sure when the next blow is going to come, will it be in a week a month or maybe a year? How do you ever feel the same? Here are some of the reasons people stay in abusive relationships.
Fear: You may be afraid of what will happen if you decide to leave the relationship. If someone has been threatened by their partner, family or friends, they may not feel safe leaving.
Believing Abuse is Normal: Not knowing what a healthy relationship looks like, perhaps from growing up in an environment where abuse was common, some may not recognize that their relationship is unhealthy.
Embarrassment: It’s probably hard to admit that they’ve been abused. One may feel they’ve done something wrong by becoming involved with an abusive partner. They may also worry that their friends and family will judge them.
Low self-esteem: If your friend’s partner constantly puts them down and blames them for the abuse, it can be easy for your friend to believe those statements and think that the abuse is their fault.
Love: People may stay in an abusive relationship hoping that their abuser will change. Think about it—if a person you love tells you they’ll change, you want to believe them.
So who is Ray Rice? Raymell—or Ray for short—was the youngest of four kids. His mother, Janet, taught special needs children. Ray never knew his father, Calvin Reed. In 1988, he was gunned down in a drive-by shooting. Ray’s cousin, MyShaun, stepped in to provide male guidance when needed. But Myshaun was killed by a drunk driver when Ray was 10. At that point, Ray figured he’d better learn how to take care of himself. Ray was not a big kid, and he didn’t expect to be a tall, imposing adult. His mother stands a hair under five feet tall. But Ray was strong, smart and fast. He gravitated to football and basketball, where he learned how to stay low to the ground to navigate through the forest of taller players. Ray may be short, but he does not have a small body. He is rock-solid and knows how to use his low center of gravity to deliver painful blows to would-be tacklers. Add good speed and quality moves, and you’ve got a very special player. If defenders commit too early, they might miss Ray entirely. If they try an arm tackle, Ray can break out of it. But I don’t think Rice will break out of this arm tackle. The video tape doesn’t paint a pretty picture. I think the Rice’s need a life fix, call Iyanla Vanzant quick.
(Email the columnist at debbienorrell@aol.com)
