When we think of great women we tend to think of politicians, such as Hilary Clinton, Shirley Caesar, Barbara Jordan, or we think of rich popular women such as Oprah Winfrey, Whoopi Goldberg, or social activists such as Harriet Tubman, Sojourner Truth, Rosa Parks, Myrlee Evers Williams, or the celebrities such as entertainers or sports figures.
But they are not the real heroes, not the real great women. Sure they are in the news and are considered by most as great women. But the real great women are the women we wake up to everyday growing up, but take for granted. Our mothers.
With the recent loss of my mother, I have to rethink this great women definition.
Looking around at all these mothers who sacrifice everyday, and do whatever is needed for their children in an effort to make sure they get a quality education while teaching them right from wrong, I say they are the real role models, the real great women.
My mother raised six kids on below minimum wages as a domestic before affirmative action got her a job a little over minimum wage. And even though we didn’t eat high on the hog, or cow, we ate. I guess that’s why I love chicken today.
We always had a roof over our heads, food on the table and clothes on our backs. But most of all we had love. I see so many of the kids today and I wonder why do we have so many kids killing kids and the answer starts with the mother.
Don‘t get me wrong, the father is very important too, but it starts with the mother. I’m sick of hearing that the reasons our youth sell drugs and kill and rob each other is because they are poor and from broken homes. I along with most of the people around me grew up in poor and broken homes but I never had the urge to rob my neighbors who in most cases didn’t have any more than me.
My mother and father taught me respect first for myself then for other people. You see if you have nothing else, you must respect yourself.
She was the kind of woman who no matter what kind of hardships life was putting on her, low paying or no job, bad health, one or more of her children acting crazy, whatever? She always kept a smile and always treated people with respect and made sure we did the same.
She talked to everyone from the janitors to the executives, Black or White, young or old as equals and with respect. One thing she instilled in me is that I could do anything I set my mind to, and no matter how hard life became, “Don’t Give Up. Don’t Give Up.”
That is one of the greatest problems with today’s youth. They are giving up before they even get started. Middle School and High School, some even in elementary school. And a lot of that is because their mothers don’t encourage them to be more. They are always downgrading them, talking about what they aren’t doing and what they can’t do. If your mother doesn’t encourage you, who will? If your mother doesn’t try to motivate you, who will?
I see so many confrontations today between mother and daughter or mother and son in which no respect is shown from either side. Yes, children must respect their parents but parents must respect their children. It goes both ways.
One thing I can always say about my mother, she always made sure we treated each other and others with respect, which she said generated self-respect. But if anyone disrespected you, instead of being disrespectful back, we were taught to simply respectfully explain to that person the errors of their ways. Anybody can curse and shout.
She like so many women, especially older women, are the foundation, the soul, the heart of the family and the community. Not only do their children love and respect them but also so do the grandchildren, great grandchildren, extended family and friends and other people in the community and city.
I was always her child, but once I grew up she always allowed me to be a man while always offering guidance.
If there were more mothers like my mother there would be far fewer fools running the streets gunning each other down.
She was no saint. Like all of us she was into the nightlife when she was young, but a church going woman when she found Jesus Christ. But instead of preaching at people she led by example. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for others, and this was her way well before she joined the church.
She’s the real definition of a great woman, and not just because she was my mother. I’ve known and know many other women like her. They don’t get any recognition in the social media or the mass media but are the real heroes whom we all should give more recognition. How many great mothers or great fathers awards do we hear about? But hopefully these great women will not become a rare breed.
So I say farewell to mom, Willie Mae Williams, one of those many great women.
(Ulish Carter is the managing editor of the New Pittsburgh Courier. He can be reached at ulishcarter@newpittsburghcourier.com.)
