by Bill Neal
:10 Right out the gate so he doesn’t miss it, the man that used to “shake and bake” the best that the Connie Hawkins League had to offer…including the likes of Norm Nixon, Warnie Macklin and Bobby Franklin, just to name a few…yes boys and girls, we’re talking about none other than the “Hazelwood Heat” Frank Foster. Frank, I am proud to say, you’re right where you should have been a long time ago! You’re now “In the Locker Room!” And let me tell the rest of Pittsburgh what you and I already know. The only difference between you and Bobby Byrd is that Byrd had Junkhead and “The Echoes”…the only difference between you and Hosea Champine is that Hosea had Petey Harris and “The Gangsters” and the only difference between you and Norm Nixon is that Norm had Kirk Bruce and “The Force” (Ok, I might have gone too far that time. There’s a big difference between you and Norm Nixon!!! Anyway, back to my point, you not only had game, and plenty of it, you could play that gui-tar! Now somebody run tell that.
:09 I know, I know, I know…you’re still not believing what I told you to believe two months ago. The Spurs will win the West and Indiana will upset The Heat to win the East. Yet you still can’t understand why I have a sports column and you don’t!
:08 Sing with me here. It’s like candy, I can feel it when you walk…even when you talk, it takes over me. What I want to know is…can you feel it too just like I do? This stuff is starting now…it’s the same feeling I always seem to get around you. There’s no mistaking I am clearly taken by you. Girl, you’re giving me a heart attack…it’s the kind I like…it’s like candy!! (C-A-M-E-O …you know it). Feels good, huh?
:07 Your Pittsburgh Pirates are eight games over 500 and playing some serious baseball. I mean serious. Clutch hitting, walk off home runs, shut down closers, less base running mistakes, great fielding and the pitching and hitting is for real. Yes, I do believe the curse is over!
:06 If you run into him, make sure you congratulate Master Jacquet Bazemore for being inducted into the National Martial Arts Hall of Fame. Bazemore is a 9th Degree Black Belt Master and is held in the highest regard worldwide.
:05 CORRECTION—Yeah, believe it or not, I actually made a mistake. The Golden State back court combination that Coach Mark Jackson placed on an historic pedestal was Stephan Curry and Clay Thompson, not “Jarrad Jack,” as I indicated. Man, that’s my second mistake this year and I only get three or Broadus will bounce me out of here. Of course we know there won’t be a third…don’t we…don’t we!?!?)
:04 Speaking of the Locker Room, and I was, to my pleasant surprise, I have a long time reader who didn’t come out and say it, but really wants to be in the Locker Room. Yes you do…yes you do…yes you do! Aaannnyyy wwwaaayyy, Mark Kelly you’re now in the Locker Room!
:03 Speaking of sports and stuff, African-American men please get your prostrate exam. Do it…do it…now…that’s it!
:02 Hey, wait till you see this list of the top 10 basketball players of all time list a brother sent me “while on vacation.” I would show it to you this week, but I lost it! Don’t worry I’ll find it. It’s here somewhere and trust me, it’s worthy. And besides, he ain’t going no where. “He’s on vacation!” You a top 10 list now? Try this one for size.
:01 While they continue to blame President Obama for this IRS scandal, let’s get him for the other stuff he did. #1—he had President Lincoln shot. #2—he’s really “Big Foot.” #3—he gave Michael Jackson the last injection. #4—yea, he shot Kennedy too. #5—and of course, if he shot Jack Kennedy, he had to shoot Bobby Kennedy and of course he had Marilyn Monroe done away with. #6—he was the mastermind of the Linbergh kidnapping. #7—it goes without saying he threw the phantom punch that knocked out Sonny Liston…not Ali. #8—what kind of basketball lovin’ President would he be if we didn’t blame him for the U.S. basketball team losing the gold in the 1972 Olympics. #9—I don’t have to tell you “he did it” not O.J. #10—and finally, let’s all join hands and sing…he shot the sheriff…but—he—did—not—shoot—the—deputy!!! C’mon man!
:00
•Triple threat movie review: Just the way you like it. Yes you do!
• “Iron Man: Not as good as the first one and not as bad as the second. 3 ’s
• “The Great Gatsby”: Fantastic. 4 ’s
• “Star Trek”: You know the scoop. 4?
~ GAME OVER ~