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How many times have you gone out with a friend for dinner, movies, lunch and you wanted separate checks? Perhaps before you went to the restaurant you talked about each person paying for their own meal and of course there is nothing wrong with that, unless it is your friend’s birthday or she just tightened your weave.
There have been many times that I’ve used the term “Let’s go Dutch.” I didn’t know I was insulting a whole nation. According to an article written by Christopher Healy “going Dutch” is a historical slur. Throughout the 17th and 18th centuries, England and the Netherlands (then known as the Dutch Republic) were big time enemies, fighting no fewer than four major wars. Unsurprisingly, the English didn’t think much of their opponents, so they loaded their vernacular with anti-Dutch zingers. “Dutch courage” was slang for booze, and a “Dutch uncle” was somebody who spoke too frankly and gave hurtful advice. And when you invited someone out and asked him to pay his own way, that was called a “Dutch treat,” because—wink, wink—it really wasn’t a treat. So the term does have an offensive origin. But it is a phrase that we continue to use.
I had never thought I was insulting the Dutch—when I think of anything Dutch I think of windmills and wooden shoes. I’ll now think twice before using that term, and replace it with “Let’s do separate checks.”
When I go on a first date with a guy I insist on separate checks, I don’t want anyone to think they have purchased anything that wasn’t on the menu by paying for my meal. Asking for separate checks can bring up another issue. Many times the restaurant will act like you are speaking a foreign language. I have seen waitresses suck their teeth, storm off to get the check split and put their tip in jeopardy.
I try to have cash on hand in these cases so I can easily pay my half of the bill in cash. The real problem arises when you have a large group and each person wants to pay their own bill, one person drank their dinner and ordered a ton of alcohol and all you had was water and celery sticks and your friend wants to split the bill down the middle. If I were you I would quit hanging out with people like this if it appears to be a reoccurring event.
The other problem is the “bill grabber” your intent was for each to pay their own bill and then one person wants to grab the bill and “handle it.” I’m not sure why this happens, I think this might be fodder for another column, hmmm, the need to be in control.
Summer is always a busy season for me and I’m trying to cover everything and still get a little me time. Please do not send requests for coverage for the New Pittsburgh Courier via Facebook. My email address is at the bottom of each column. Send a “request for coverage” email several weeks prior to your event if that works. Tell me who, what, where, when and why and I’ll do my best to be there.
(Email the columnist at debbienorrell@aol.com)